Control Your Emotions

Control Your Divorce Now

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Control Your Emotions

Joshua

Oh, this is a hard one.

It is, however, an essential requirement.

Especially if the whole divorce thing comes completely out of the blue for you, then it is a little like getting hit over the head with a forty pound sledgehammer.

Your initial reaction is likely to be one of total panic, allied to a complete incomprehension of what is happening.

At times like this, when you emotions are running wild, it is absolutely imperative that you do not do anything rash or hasty. Understand that, while youre at maximum stress levels, the chances of doing something foolish or damaging are significantly increased.

For that reason, it is imperative that you get yourself under control as quickly as possible.

For most people put into a situation where something as emotionally cataclysmic as an unexpected divorce has just been sprung on them, the emotional switchback ride is fairly predictable.

The initial reaction will probably be one of total shock and panic in a situation where you are dumbstruck. After that is likely to come a wave of anger borne of frustration and lack of understanding, followed by a desire to try to sort things out, remorse and regret.

All of these reactions are entirely understandable. However, nothing can be gained by allowing the strength of these emotions to override rational and reasonable behavior.

In addition, the focal point of all of these emotions is your wife, and, therefore, while the two of you are physically together, the chances of saying or doing something foolish or downright stupid are significantly increased. Therefore, a time out might be a good idea for both of you.

When divorce is raised for the first time, no matter who instigates it or how it comes about, stress levels are raised to an almost unbearable peak for both concerned parties. While youre both still together in the same house, these stress levels are not going to fall appreciably.

Take control.

Make the decision to have a couple of days away from the family home in a neutral environment such as a hotel. Do not move out of your house or take more than a few days away right now.

Do not, however, be tempted to merely sit around the hotel feeling sorry for yourself, or find yourself being the last man left when the bar is closing. That is not being in control. That is feeling sorry for yourself and being maudlin and, while it may be natural, it certainly does not help you.

Take some exercise by going for long walks, playing golf, running or whatever it is that will give you time to think in an entirely neutral and nonthreatening environment. Burn off some of your latent aggression and emotions, and try to understand how your life came to be in this position in as objective a fashion as you can manage.

More importantly still, start planning what you are going to do to start to fight back.

If you can fully engage yourself in work, then that might help to take your mind off things as well. Nevertheless, you will have to face the music at some point, and the better you can prepare yourself for that eventuality, the easier it is going to be.

However, DO NOT HIRE an ATTORNEY.

Youll read why in far greater detail later, but, even if you do plan to engage an attorney at some point, there is research to be done before you do so.

If your wife is the one who is driving the divorce, then prepare yourself for the worst (ie. she gets everything that she wants), while continuing to hope and plan for the best (she doesnt get everything).

At the same time, focus on bringing your emotions and feelings under an iron grip, because more than ever before, you are going to need your wits about you if your wife chooses to go through with what she has set in motion.

Once you have calmed down and regained some degree of control, then you need to start talking to your wife, and discussing with her what is going to happen next. It is extremely important that you keep control of your emotions while doing this, and that you do not allow your anger or frustration to come to the fore.

This will do little other than reinforce your wifes negative feelings about you, and make the situation worse, so dont do it. Allow emotions to get the best of you now and it is far too easy to make critical mistakes that you will have years to regret.

For instance, it is not unknown in this situation for wives to ask their husbands to sign away their rights to (for example) the house, and for him to agree to do so, because he believes that this will somehow prevent the situation deteriorating any further. Nothing could be further from the truth.

In fact, signing a document like this is a fatal error because it is something that no lawyer in the world could ever hope to undo.

Arguing that you signed the document while under extreme mental and emotional stress or duress is unlikely to get you anywhere.

Controlling your emotions and feelings is never going to be that easy,particularly in the early days of a divorce, but it is nevertheless something that you must be able to do.